The beginning of November.

I feel extra on edge today. Extra panicky. I feel like for some reason I am externally able to cope better today but the inner sadness is overwhelming. Every time one of my bosses says my name, or if a friend seems upset about something regarding me, I feel like the world is about to end and my heart pounds crazily. None of this should matter because one day I will be dead.

However, since I'm still here...

I'm tired of this job. I'm tired of not having my "family" to fall back on. Not for monetary reasons, but for emotional ones. I'm tired of my problems spiraling out of control. I'm tired of not having the motivation for some STUPID reason to not make that first step to get into therapy. I'm tired of money problems and not being able go to go school full time (yet). I'm tired of not singing. I'm tired feeling ugly and insecure. I'm tired of my abandonment issues. I'm tired of physical pain.

Bitch, bitch, bitch. Whine, whine, whine. Complain, complain, complain. I am less than two years away from 30 and this is who I am. It's fucking pathetic.