Random.

I love how everyone is so scared and annoyed by the snow. The only thing that annoys me is how annoyed everyone else gets. I think snow is great. Especially the kind that fucks up the day and melts a few hours later like as if it never happened. Today I get to stay home because the boss said so. He told me that I'm in no condition to go out in this weather and he didn't even know if he and his partner would be at work today. Also, today won't count as a sick day or anything of the like. Which is good, considering I missed the ENTIRE work week last week.

From strep to extremely bad tonsillitis to really bad cramping and PMS. Blood and more pain to come. I'm such a lucky girl. Yes, yes. It could always be worse. By the way - this is the first time since July 2008 that my period has finally regulated. I can only hope it stays this way.

Also, I love Cefuroxime Axetil.

Love is a tricky thing. What's trickier is trying to accept things about someone else that absolutely tear you apart inside. It doesn't matter if I'm damaged or not. I am who I am and I'm trying, I guess.

J is going snowboarding with his friend on Sunday. I am so jealous (for many reasons - some of which I will not share here). I want to go because I only got to go once this season and really want to learn more but I also don't want to go because J should have a day out with his friend and not have to worry about me being on the bunny slopes still learning. I hope next year will be different.

I have not gotten to go to any Islanders games this season, plus the Isles are doing so poorly. However, I'm loyal and enjoy watching anyway. J on a whim got a bundle package for three games last night. It includes: Two seats for three games of our choice (they give a list though to choose from). A $25 or $50 Visa Gift Card (he's taking the $25 one and I don't blame him). Vouchers for two hot dogs and sodas for each game and you end up saving almost 50% on prices in total. We are going to the Islanders Rangers game on Thursday (big rival crazy game it will be for those of you who do not know). The Isles Devils game on Saturday (another rival - dirty Jersey and J is a Devils fan so that should be fun!) and an Isles Flyers game on 4/11 (we chose a much later in the season game to give us something to look forward to doing hahaha). The seats are Mezzanine level though so that could mean we end up in really good seats or really shitty ones. Always a catch. I wonder if I could get the vendors to give me something other than a hot dog and soda though. Haha. I am very grateful but I'm also picky. Is that awful of me?

When I was sicker, I was telling myself that I'd rather be at work but I think what I was really telling myself is that I wish I was well enough to theoretically be ABLE to go to work, because now that I know I'm returning to work tomorrow, I'm not so happy about it and I really would rather just keep organizing my music on my computer (25,553 songs as of right now - I had to delete a lot), watch stupid shows on TLC and randomly lay down. That was some run on sentence, eh?

I wish I could be something great.

Hello, Friday.

So once again here I am. I'm sitting at "work". Listening to 'Bbydhyonchord' by Aphex Twin via my Project Playlist thingy on my MySpace page. It's the first song that came on when I decided to listen to it (it's always on shuffle) and I must say, it's rather appropriate for right now. There is something about his music that melts into the creases of my brain and drips down all the way to my heart. I feel this way about a lot of music (since music is my Love) but his music is different since there are usually no words involved.

Music always intrigued me from every possible viewpoint. For instance, when you hear a song, it becomes it's own identity. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess what I feel is that you almost forget that people are putting together sounds to make one conglomerate section of space, time and sound. Sure you can see sound waves with proper instruments and your ear drum does technically vibrate, but really, listening, is an pseudo-intangible thing. I am insane. I am insane? I wish I could convey what I mean properly.

I think I may post some old and shitty and also some not-so-shitty poetry on here from time to time. I haven't written much lately. I haven't really done anything lately. I feel trapped where I live. Thank BOB that will be changing in a little over a week. Same with cigarettes. *waves goodbye to those on Sunday* I must sing. Some way. Somehow. By the way, does anyone know how to copyright photos and poetry on here? Not that anyone would want to steal my shit, but how do you make it official?

On my way to work this morning I used the heated seats in my car. A sure sign that Autumn is almost here. This pleases me. I love feeling the cool air from outside while my back and bottom is warm. I love wearing comfy clothes, breathing crisp air and the scent of dead and/or burning leaves. I took a different route today because of shitty Long Island traffic. The sunlight hit everything around me so beautifully, it made me want to die. I don't understand why I feel this way! Beautiful? Die? Why put the two together? Maybe I just ache for happiness so when I see something enjoyable it subconsciously reminds me of how crappy my life has been? Oh woe is me, woe is me. "It could always be worse", Jason says. "You could wake up with no arms." This is true. Very true.

My boss just turned on the air conditioning even though it's chilly. I told him I was sick and cold. "It's just a little stuffy in here..." he said. I love the consideration. I shouldn't complain. I've known the way he is for over three years now. It truly is chilly in here. Oh well. Slaves don't get much say, do they?

I think I'm going to call a doctor soon and try to get seen after work. I can't stand this anymore. Day three.